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PART I: SWAMI DESIKA EXPRESSES HIS ANGUISH - Anguish- Posting - 2 (1.4 to 1.6)
Date: Wed Sep 22 1999 - 07:07:08 PDT

(As gleaned from his StOtras) 

Anguish- Posting - 2 (1.4 to 1.6)
(Anbil Ramaswamy)
[As already mentioned in the Introduction, the Naichya AnusanthAnam is 
applicable to us only and NOT to Swami Desika, we have to substitute 
ourselves wherever Swami Desika extrapolates these to himself] 
1.4. " I am a break-promise"

viswOpakAramithi nAma sadhA duhAnAm
adhyApi Devi bhavatheem Avadheerayantham /
NathE nivEsaya vrishAdripatE DayE ! tvam
Nyastha swa rakshaNa bharam tvayi mAm tvayaiva //
(DayA Sathakam SlOkam 91)

"Oh! DayA DEvi!
It is not that I did Prapatti on my own because I have no independence to do 
anything. It is you who induced me to BharanyAsam and it is you who accepted 
it too! Even after having promised never again to indulge in acts against 
your wishes, ignoring your kindness, I continue with my evil ways. Is this 
not an insult to you? Only you have to prevent me from doing any further 
wrongdoing and make me worthy of eternal kainkaryam to your Lord Srinivasa"

What a true reflection of our plight!

1.5. "I am Snake-charmer"

santhavyamAnam aparAdha ganam vichintya
trasyAmi hantha Bhavatheem cha vibhAvayAmi /
ahnAya mEvrisha gireesa DayE ! jahee mAm
Aaseevisha grahaNa kELee nibhAm avasthAm //
(DayA Sathakam SlOkam 96)

"Oh! DayA DEvi!
Desirous of moksham, I have done BharanyAsam. After this, knowingly, I go on 
committing innumerable sins. I am aware and afraid that I have to pay a heavy 
penalty for it. To mitigate, I do also some expiatory acts in the hope that 
your infinite grace will devour all my sins. Thus, I alternate between 
committing sins and performing PrAyaschitha Prapatti in a never-ending cycle. 
Is this not the height of indiscretion? In this, I am like a snake charmer 
that lives by displaying poisonous reptiles. As he displays them, they bite 
him. He takes recourse to herbal antitoxins and mAntric antidotes to be freed 
from the effects of the poison. He again plays with the snakes only to be 
bitten again and again, Thus, between bites and antidotes; he carries on his 
livelihood. You should prevent me from committing sins again and again and 
obviate the need for PrAyaschitha Prapatti."

Cf: Aarthi Prabhandam

1.6.  Sri DEvi and Bhu DEvi - Are they jealous of you?

Avidhitha nija yogakshEmam AatmagnAnamabhijnam
Gunalava rahitham mAmgoptukAmA dayE tvam /
Paravathi chaturaih thE vibramaih sreenivAsE
Bahumathim anapAyAm vindasi sridharNyOh //
(DayA Sathakam SlOka 32)

(Addressing DayA DEvi, Swami Desika praises her saying that she has succeeded 
where Periya Piraati and Bhudevi who rest on either side of the Lord had 

"I am the greatest sinner. I am the lowliest of the lowly and the most 
depraved. I do not know to acquire any 'Punyam' by performing any meritorious 
deeds. Nor, am I capable of holding on to what little Punyam I may be deemed 
to possess. I know nothing about my "Atma' I have not even realized that my 
Atma is different from my 'Sareeram," that it is the eternal servant of the 
Lord.  Do I have any good points? None whatsoever. You decided to recommend 
such a worthless soul to your Lord and I know he cannot refuse what you 
desire. On either side of your Lord rest Periya Piraatti and Bhoomi Devi who 
admire your feats and endorse your recommendation. Though you have succeeded 
where they could not, they do not feel jealous about you but only adore you 
because you have successfully carried out only their own wishes to save me"

A nice way of offering tribute to DayA DEvi without offending the other 
Consorts of the Lord!

(To Continue)