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Thiruvaaimozhi 4.7- Sundhara VadivE- unnaik kaaNa Vaa!

From: Madhavakkannan V (srivaishnavan_at_hotmail.com)
Date: Tue Mar 31 1998 - 22:01:12 PST

SRI:

Dearest Sisters and Brothers,

AzhwAr, in the last decad, was unconscious (as Parangusa nayaki). After 
hearing the DwarakA pathi's sweet name, he got his senses back and 
became fully vibrant yet again. Immediately, he has started longing for 
the Lord and asks Him to come in front of him.

1. Seelamillaach chiRiyEn- (As humbly referred by our dearest Sadagopan 
a week back as "seelamillaach chiRiyEn-) I have no good discipline; I am 
a small lowly self; The sins I have committed are HUGE. But You are the 
Personification of jnAnA, the Murthy, who swallowed and retained the 
entire universe and protected it.  From here, I am raising both my hands 
above my head and am paying obeisance to You. I am calling You as " 
NarayaNA!" But  Your Divine Physical ThirumEni is not visible to me. At 
least why don't You take me there? I know it is all due to my big, Great 
sins committed, lack of discipline and I am bound to suffer without 
being called by You nor Your showing Yourself to me with Your Beautiful 
Form.

2. EmperumaanE!, the One who keeps giving us the Perennial enjoyment 
always to the fullest satisfaction and bliss! Oh VaamanA! - Like that I 
have been yelling day and night from here. I have no strength even to 
call You now. Please have mercy and grant me to see You to my sinful 
eyes. (Having shown Yourself in my mind is not enough- I should see You 
physically!)

3.  Have I committed so many sins even after experiencing so much 
sorrows and punishments? I do not know. Even then, even if I have 
committed enormous never ending sins, can You,- The Most Capable Lord of 
mine- The One who has done the Most Rarest, Wonderful acts before- NOT 
come to save me? You are my only savior. DamOdharA, The One who measured 
the Entire universe by keeing one Foot here and the Other in the sky!- 
like that I have been calling You, remorse with tears rolling down 
cheeks endlessly- Okay. Do not show Yourself for my enjoyment. But 
ATLEAST COME AND TELL ME! "you are a mahA paapi ". Please come and tell 
me that word at least. (AzhwAr refers to His sowlabhyam and praises Him 
by calling Him DamOdhara- the stomach that shows the rope marks on it 
still- rope that was tied by YasOdhA)

4. Thinking of You in my mind alone is not adequate. Please show 
Yourself in front of my eyes and make me blissful. Oh My Father, The One 
who shines like a Golden Form! How Great are Your Glories! You are The 
One who can be enjoyed by incomparable NityasUris, who are unatttached 
to this materialistic world; Your form can NOT be seen even by the Great 
BrahmA, Sivan et al! You are SO GREATEST LORD! I have no shame to even 
think of seeing such Greatest Lord with my eyes- What is the use of my 
yelling (with all such enormous sins to my account) to see You?

5. My father! The One who has the Most strongest weapons with You! Oh 
Sarvashakthi JagannAthA! (The One who enabled dEvAs to churn the Big 
Milk Ocean!) I have been weltering to see Your Most Beautiful four 
shoulders with my eyes. My life is getting dried up. Will You come now? 
Will You come at least now? - Like that I am foolishly and anxiously, 
longing to see You, Lord!

6. EmperumaanE! Sriman NarayanA! You are staying in my body. You are 
also in my jIvan. Not only that; You are also very much present in my 
senses; There is nothing in which You do not stay. Forever, at all times 
and at all places, uninterruptedly, You are there in everything as an 
AntharAthmA. Even after knowing and realizing all these such Great 
attributes of Yours, still, I would like to see Your Most Beautiful 
Divine ThirumEni with my eyes to my fullest satisfaction. I desire this 
simply because I am a useless, ignorant fool  (Ignorant fool- aRivu 
kettavan- because had he known completely of Lord's form - anthar 
bahischatascharya vyApya nArAyaNaschithah:- He exists everywhere-inside 
and outside- The very fact that azhwAr still wants to see Him because he 
considers himself as less knowledgeable of His existence.)

7. AzhwAr declares here that he has realized Him in his mind! Oh 
EmpiraanE! The One who has the Most Fragrant ThuLasi maalai on His 
chest! With Your grace and mercy, I got the jnAnam and that led me to 
know Your Most Auspicious attribute and obtained ParipporNa Anandham in 
my clear mind. My vibharItha jnAnam (of attaching myself to the body and 
the births and deaths- its viscious cycle) is all removed. This alone is 
Not my desire, Lord! I am not yelling and suffering and calling You with 
such names for that alone. With my physical eyes, I wish to enjoy Your 
Divyamaana ThirumEni azhaghu beautifully adorned with The Thirutthuzhaay 
maalai on that Most Beautiful Chest. (Even while reading, we also long 
to see the Lord in that form- Don't we?)

8. Oh Lord!, The One who has The Most Fragrant ThuLasi Garland on Your 
body! You should come in the same form for our Anandham as exactly You 
show Yourself for NityasUris' enjoyment. While I keep on looking at Your 
Most Beautiful Lotus Eyes with fullest blissful satisfaction and 
pErAnandham, my both hands will collect the handfuls of lots of fragrant 
flowers, gathered from all directions of the world, and shower them most 
lovingly at Your Lotus Feet and I will sing praising Your Glories foe 
ever and ever. At least to vent our love and bhakti to You, You should 
come and show Yourself to us, Your eternal servants. Will You not do 
that?

9. I have never offered any food to those poor hungry people; I have 
never quenched anyone's thirst by offering little bit of water; I have 
never done any karma yOgham like that; Did I at least stay put in my 
jnAna yOghA? No. I could never control my five senses and I always 
failed in my attempts. I have never even uttered Your name and performed 
Nama sankIrthan. (all this is not applicable for AzhwAr- It is most 
appropriate for us- dear ones! He has sung on our behalf!) But my mind, 
with His grace has immersed itself in His Glories and has been thinking 
of Him. It is not able to get out of that. Even though it is in such a 
situation, I have committed so much sins for my disability to see Him 
and His Divine form in front of my eyes. Even if He comes, I will still 
be searching His form with my both hands and will never be able to see 
Him. Where will I see Him and How? (AzhwAr wishes to hold Him like the 
way Yasodha held Him in her hands.)

10. He showed me His ChakrA and he enslaved me. Oh Lord, EmperumaanE! 
-Like that I am seeing in all directions to see You and hug You with 
both my hands. I am weltering and remorse with tears. MahApaai, I am. I 
am not able to see His Divine Form. But I have seen Him in my jnAnakkaN 
(the inner eye). That Emperumaan is the brightest light of VedAs. He is 
the Personification of JnAnA. I will always enjoy Him with my inner eye. 
With that vision, the inner vision, I will hug His Beautiful Body 
tightly with both my arms. Because of my prEmA for Him, I am also 
suffering being unable to see Him physically. (AzhwAr says: The jnAnA 
and Bhakti have thus hugged me and held my neck tightly)

11. Even if I decide to leave, it appears it will never go away- like 
that the love for Him has grown in me; - Thus Sri SadagOpar has sung 
thousand pAsurams in excellent Tamil on Emperumaan KaNNa Piraan, The Red 
Lotus Beautiful Eyed Lord. Out of those 1000, readers of this set of ten 
pAsurams (and its meanings) will DEFINITELY reach Sri Vaikuntam.

NammAzhwAr thiruvadigaLE saraNam


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