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Re:Does this look familiar...

From: Murali Karamchedu (karamche_at_scf.usc.edu)
Date: Thu Jun 08 1995 - 15:49:03 PDT

Namasthe.

There are a lot of us who go through the loss of innocent trust in God
and there are few who are lucky to recover faith; and in this journey, we go 
through the terrible anguish of spiritual destitution.It is in this journey
that the transmuting fire of tapas works its magic; and it is the doubt
which charms our mind with the longing and expectation of the distant vaikuntam.
It is kali yugam and the gross does cast its spell,the darkness does remind
us of the beauty of innocent joy if god decides so.After a fire what remains
is what can sustain even that fire; and in our journey towards vaikuntam
these fires of doubt and darkness must burn us.
During this journey,through this birth and through the births we have knotted
ourselves with our vasanas and karmas;the pattern of knots being  'unique'
and specific to the choices that we have made;and there is a magician who can
make these knots disappear and set us free again;the magician is as 'unique'
as the way we have knotted ourselves;to some the taraka mantram of Rama Nama
does the magic, to some it is the Krishna leela, to some it is the enoromous 
effort of intellection and contemplation ;can there be a single way out?

It is probably our encounters with these knots that causes the annoying moments 
of loss of faith and doubts and spiritual anguish;but do we have much choice 
except to wait for that magician- our ishta devatha?

The anguish,longing and bliss during this journey to vaikunta of many saints 
comes down to us as the poetry of their soul;it is Meera's search for vrindavan
and her longing for krishna's voice(Hari Avan ki avAz..);it is gopika geetham;
it is Annamacharyas longin for the Lords voice(Paluke bangaramayena?);and
Tyagaraja's tears and songs...I am sure if our longing and cry is sincere,
that magician will come,the delay is probably for us to clear our eyes
and make our minds transparent so that we may see him and recognize him.


These thoughts are written spontaneously since I too know the pain of 'loss
of faith';I requset others to correct any errors in my understanding that are 
bound to be there.


With Pranams.
Murali Manohar