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RE: A doubt

From: Krishna Kalale (
Date: Tue Jul 17 2001 - 19:47:43 PDT

Dear sri Anand,

Sri sadananda has written on this already.  I just wanted to add my 2cents

1. Most youngsters ie. of marriageable age don't realize what they are
getting into since "iyer" and "iyengar" does not mean anything to them in a
serious way. Other factors become important in their minds and these issues
slip through unnoticed. One has to understand what a custom can do to
people.  How would you follow a simple principle "mere to giridhar gopal,
dusaro na koi" (or deep devotion to srimannarayana which is essential for
prapatti or bhakti - without anya devatha samparka (relations with anya
devatas) on a daily basis, If a srivaishnavaite marries an iyer
(predominantly saivite)?.  I am not saying it is impossible but is
2. Call me "immature".  Atleast I have fooled many people successfully that
I am interested in vedanta philosophy and spend a lot of time on it.  After
20 years of such studies and contemplation, even today I will be unable to
focus on srimannarayana in my home when I do aradhanam to saligramams If I
have other devata murthys or Lingams in my puja griham (altar). Particularly
if my wife teaches and brings up my children in a non-pure vaishnava way, it
will affect me a lot on a daily basis. I clearly know that "srimannarayana
is antaryami and " angani anya devatah".. taittiriupanisad). However daily
practice is difficult.  Why is this so?  Very simple "objects are more
powerful than senses" - indriyebhya parahyarthah ie. what you see (ie.
images of deities) affect your daily life and are stronger than our control
of senses. However I do know of people who can focus well. But I cannot.
Even if elders can focus, what examples can be given to children who grow up
around them?
3. I was very open when I was going to get married ( 17 years back).
However, my grandfather cautioned me :" you should be open and kind to
everyone and treat all traditions with respect.  But you should make
decisions that will make you follow your culture with ease. It will be very
difficult to instill a different tradition to a woman who comes as a bride
or a man who comes as a bridegroom into a different family.  Samskaras which
form a personality are difficult to change over years.  During the first few
years before and after marriage there may be a lot of apparent adjustments
to keep each other happy.  However, during later years, differences stand
out as big as a nose on the face which you cannot avoid noticing!"
4. I know that there are lot of exceptions to these issues. However, the
general trends don't change.
5. I Just thought of sharing these so that it may be useful to those who are
planning to get into the next phase of their lives.

How is this related to Vedanta?  You bet your life and your vedantic
thoughts will be governed by your close associates and daily activities.
When I was young I used to dream that I will always be surrounded by
brilliant philosophers who will guide me eternally. In modern times, A
couple spend more time in life together than a teacher / student.  Acharya
sishya relationship is so needed and so difficult to get.

Like how Lord Krishna ends his Gita, so I state " yathecchasi tatha
uru".  - The information is provided... you do what you feel is right for
you having thought about all these issues.

Adiyen Krishna.

           - SrImate rAmAnujAya namaH -
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